Community Outreach

Oh man! I was just contacted by this awesome sounding religious group out here that is really active in the community. They want me to join up and help them plant crosses all across this great state of South Carolina. The cross is a major symbol of my faith and therefore has to mean a lot of good to everyone! Jesus loved us all. I know this group does good things because of the lack of racial discrimination they demonstrate in their outreach. Being free from racial prejudice is important this day and age in our great country. In fact, most of the peoples’ yards they plant the larger crosses in are African Americans. They even do it at night and set them on fire so that the entire neighborhood sees how much Christ and we all love them. The group often wears white sheets and hoods so that they are all equal and the same color towards each other as well. I know the black families were all “moved” since many of them could be seen looking out their windows and crying. I never knew the power of Christ and the cross could hold this kind of effect over people.

Old Friend

It seems you been through a lot, old friend.
You seem so distant lately with your hopeless worries.
There are also glimpses of something desperate and panicky dancing in your eyes.
Did you fall down again, old friend?
Did you cling to the sides of the hole as you slid down deeper into the muck?
Did you almost make it back up this time?
Did you once again seek comfort for this fall?
“From where did your comfort come,” I must ask.
When you pray to God to help you stand, do you ever consider that he should have never let you fall?
When you pray to God to get you through it, do you ever consider that he put you in it?
When you were unsaved, they told you that the hole is there to slide down because you do not have Jesus.
When you got saved, they told you that the hole is there for your testimony so that you can one day help others in holes.
When you got older, they told you that the hole was simply your thorn in your side that you must bare in faith.
I question this reasoning of these holes.
Would it not be better to simply not confront or be in a hole? Would it not be better to place your faith in someone with a rope?

The Young Earth

I got in another argument today. Someone was trying to tell me that the Earth is only 6000 years old. I told them that there was no way that it could be only 6000 years old and that I have proof. They then told me that man’s science was of the devil and that I was not to accept the world’s proof. I told them that it was not the world’s proof that I had but my own. They asked me what I meant and I explained to them how the church told me the world was 6000 years old back when I was ten. I am forty-one now, which makes the earth at least 6031 years old and not 6000.

Thank you White Jesus!!!

Thank you white Jesus for the blessings you gave me
For the food on my plate and the stuff thrown away
Thank you white Jesus for treating me kindly
You answered the prayers that could go either way
Thank you white Jesus for two hands that grip firm
one holding black slave chains and the other your word
Thank you white Jesus for the peace that does fill me
Your holy spirit calms me while I live by the sword

Do Something Kind

Do something kind today for someone who doesn’t like you or can’t do anything for you in return. Do something kind for someone who screwed you over or left you hanging. Do something kind for someone who doesn’t deserve it or will not appreciate it. Do something kind out of love for our humankind and not necessarily the person. Maybe if we all pitch in and love the people that do not deserve it, they will catch on and join our ranks. Maybe if we all look at strangers like lost brothers and sisters, we will win hearts, minds, and souls for our greater good. Maybe we can all transcend the good intentions of organized religions and be something that can live forever. Maybe love can win.


That stupid “Twilight” movie actually ruined the word twilight for me. The word use to sound really mysterious and cool. You cannot even put it in a poem anymore without it bringing up images of well-groomed vampires wearing glitter. The word just can not be taken seriously anymore. Meyer should be burned at the stake for her literary sins.

Thanking God for the many faces He put in my life!!!

Today, I want to thank God for faces. The tastiest things in all His creation all have faces. You can eat anything with a face over an open fire without anything else and it will taste great. You have to season the crap out of, or apply dressing to, the things that do not faces. Not even fruit is sweet unless you eat it within the one particular week of its ripeness. The only exception is Ketchup. That particular vegetable is an irony in itself because it can actually be applied to things that once had faces and got burnt to make them taste better.

Job Hunting

I was looking at a few interesting job ads and came across one that stated “Christian Based Child Care Center Looking for a 2 yr old Teacher.” I sent them an email that stated “To whom it may concern: I read your listing and do not believe that a 2 yr old should be allowed to teach. Have a blessed day.” They responded an hour later with “I agree! Hope you find what you are looking for.”

A New Ten Commandments

I propose a newer and better ten commandments. I will also post below why the old ones no longer work so well.

The proposed new ten:

1) Thou shall not rape.
2) Thou shall not physically, sexually, or mentally abuse anyone.
3) Thou shall not needlessly cause an animal to suffer.
4) Thou shall not own another human.
5) Thou shall not torture.
6) Thou shall not kill another without the support of your government or laws.
7) Thou shall not blackmail or commit fraud.
8) Thou shall not judge a person based on skin color, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or economic status.
9) Thou shall not ignore those without shelter, food, or clothing.
10) Thou shall not ignore or forsake the mentally ill, retarded, widows, elderly, orphans, lonely, misguided, and downtrodden. Thou shall be a light to all the weak and those in need.

The original ten and my thoughts:

1) You shall have no other gods before Me.

This is kind of a given and pointless. If you are a Christian then it is a no-brainier. If you are not then what does it matter?

2) You shall not make idols.

Do you mean like the crosses we wear on necklaces around our necks or the pictures and statues we all have? Or do you mean the idols in our lives that we put before you such as sports, television, or entertainment? Either way I think we are all screwed.

3) You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.

Is this similar to the whole Voldemort “He that can’t be named” thing?  Or does this mean to not make stupid slogans out of Him and then slap Him on a bumper sticker?

4) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Isn’t the Sabbath suppose to be on Saturday? Does it mean keep a special Lord’s Day instead or a day of rest? How is it a day of rest anyways when we have to get up extra early and get four kids ready for church?

5) Honor your father and your mother.

Why is this even a commandment while rape, abuse, torture, and slavery are not even mentioned? Could it be that rape, abuse, torture, and slavery were not considered as bad as dishonoring your parents back in those days? The punishment for a bad child was stoning back then as the punishment for rape was a wife.

6) You shall not murder.

Awesome…and the Republicans are all in favor of war and capital punishment and the Democrats are in favor of abortion. How about a little more clarification on this one God?

7) You shall not commit adultery.

Didn’t Christ say we all do this when we lust after a woman in our mind? What man has never looked at a woman’s butt in admiration at one point in time? Maybe God should not have made women with such nice butts.

8) You shall not steal.

Not even if you are starving? Not even if your kids are starving? Not even if you are stealing kisses? Not even if you are trying to steal supplies to take over a Government that gone crazy? Not even if you are Robin Hood? A bit more clarification on this one is needed as well, God.

9) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

This one is probably a good commandment to keep. Good luck enforcing, however.

10) You shall not covet.

Isn’t wanting stuff the only reason that the capitalist system works? Without coveting stuff we would all be socialists. Isn’t socialism a bigger sin? Go Reagan!!!